Life is a series of blessings that come in brief, short moments of relief as a human being. I experience myself in spurts of wonder against a background of beginning to understand what happened to me.
It is with great daily intention that I continue to get up each day and go forward. Every moment is one of intending relief. I experienced waking up to great fortitude of being HERE. I had to overcome the draw of being only inner self after awakening to all the variations of my being, inclusive of soul self.
Being awake has garnered me awareness of the layers of how I exist as a greater being. It means I am aware in layers: soul, inner child, aspectual self and person. I frequently experience the conversation of guides, higher self and soul aspects. They enter my awareness and I filter conversation in order to remain present as only Me. It is with careful awareness that I happen to allow any thoughts from other places. I only specify particular 'thought' patterns as any thing else is channeling of other being variations of self.
In my growth, I have overcome overwhelming need to live these other variations of greater self. I am no longer incapacitated by their need. I can receive their thoughts without being drawn to live out their 'life.' I can experience their desire and not have to give thought to how they live.
Recreating myself as 'person' has taken a toll. I have worked through a shift in my functioning and a deep scaring of my psyche. I have lived through a deep fear of job loss and blame of myself for not recovering in my 'person.' How could I allow myself to 'awaken' and learn to grow 'spirit' within my awareness? It seems unreal that I could know variations of how we exist spiritually. I know 'layers' of our auric field: soul, inner child, aspectual self and ego.
I am no longer afraid of my fields of knowing, but I carefully orchestrate how I experience each variation so that I do not get lost in any one 'story.' We each have several variations of how we exist in our mental functioning, mine is higher self, aspectual layers, soul and 'me' person.
In my desire to remain fully present 'person' I only 'channel' variations of my being: higher self, soul, and aspectual self. I sink deep into the deepest conscious layer of me. It is this variation of me that has lived awakened the majority of my life. I now know other variations and only give those with need voice as I grow.